Human Emotions and Reciprocation, among other crap.

I suck at human emotions. I really do. If you want to share your life chronicles with someone and want appropriate reciprocation, and if I'm the only person remaining on this planet, then you should probably talk to a tree or something.
^See what I did there? That's exactly what I'm talking about. Human emotions are not easy. Especially reciprocating appropriately when someone is sharing their worldly issues with you. Cookies or Bournville works best for me. But when it comes to offering verbal comfort, I suck.
For example, my friend came up to me a few days back and told me he broke up with his girlfriend who he'd been dating for 4 years, since he found out she'd been cheating on him for the past year. And guess what I said? But you're not guessing, are you? Nevermind. I told him to suck it up and live with it and stop whining like a 6 year-old on drugs. <---- Another senseless reference.
I found this awesome way to find out how no one listens to me. I'll tell you how. Firstly, close your eyes. But you didn't close them, did you? You're just going on reading this and smiling like a dick. Exactly. This is how. No one ever listens to me. I should go have Bournville and head to college. I'm late. But I'm not in any college. Shmow!
Bye.