Closure. We all need it. Our conscience cannot dwell over the fact that everything is over, until we've been told that it's over. A lethal, blatant and heartless "No. It's over". We walk the earth with the belief that we believe. Having the faith in fate. We desire destiny. It doesn't matter where it takes us. It's the journey that matters, doesn't it? Till we reach the destination. The experience of the journey doesn't matter when the moment which clings onto the thread which holds a 'yes' and a 'no' on either side arrives. Life surprises us. Following the moment of truth is an enormous clamor inside us. Either of joy or of self-pity. Some of us relish the moment and live the "Happily Ever After" that destiny has endowed upon us. While the rest of us move on. There are some of us, however, who never got any closure. We showed the world that we moved on. We let the journey change us, simply because we didn't have our destination to do so as we travelled past it. It felt safer. Easier. Innocuous. It felt like we wouldn't have to go through the agony. We walked away from everything. We changed. We evolved. We let the people around us think that what we experienced was history. That it's over. We thought we didn't need anybody. Our hearts were left cold and dysfunctional. Our emotions had disoriented themselves, if not suppressed. We distanced ourselves from the ones we once loved, stabbing their love for us in the most subtle and intemerate way possible. We laughed at agony in the face, umbered by our ever-fuelled ego. We became impeccable. Invulnerable. Invincible.
But did we actually believe that? That was just a facade. We still hold a soft spot for that person who made us become who we are. We go back to being that little dreamy kid, wanting to be a hundred things when they grow up. The progress falls off the wagon. Emotions take over. And it doesn't matter how much we believe that we've changed, we still have that one string which connects the past and the present together. The fine line which we protect, because deep down, we know it's what makes us real. It variates in different forms. A ring shoved deep inside their wallet which they never had a chance to bring out. A little photograph clinging on to the retardedness the memory held. An Owl City number which never faded away, even if sound always does. We hold on to it. Letting go is painful. It's what what makes us believe in ourselves.
It's what symbolises the memiore that yesterday once held..
But did we actually believe that? That was just a facade. We still hold a soft spot for that person who made us become who we are. We go back to being that little dreamy kid, wanting to be a hundred things when they grow up. The progress falls off the wagon. Emotions take over. And it doesn't matter how much we believe that we've changed, we still have that one string which connects the past and the present together. The fine line which we protect, because deep down, we know it's what makes us real. It variates in different forms. A ring shoved deep inside their wallet which they never had a chance to bring out. A little photograph clinging on to the retardedness the memory held. An Owl City number which never faded away, even if sound always does. We hold on to it. Letting go is painful. It's what what makes us believe in ourselves.
It's what symbolises the memiore that yesterday once held..
Letting go is the one I've never been to do properly enough.
ReplyDeleteGetting used to something is so easy but never leaving it...or them.
"And it doesn't matter how much we believe that we've changed, we still have that one string which connects the past and the present together."
ReplyDeleteVery true..
Is it a sign of strength or weakness to walk away with no closure?
I love the writer in you. He absorbs emotions perfectly, he understands people impeccably and to top it off he can condense his feelings into words flawlessly.
ReplyDeleteAnd heres the thing I've learned about closure lately-
There is a tremendous amount regret, loss and vengeance, after a bad experience with love. But being forgiving ultimately lessens the grieving.
It's the acceptance, that what was, is over.
Is finished.
Its the choice to move on, instead of sitting and waiting for something that most likely isn't to happen.
That acceptance. I think that's what they call moving on.
It doesn't come by wanting it. It doesn't come by thinking of it.
I comes by cold acceptance. And it's hard to get. But when you get it. It feels good.
It's always darkest before the dawn.
So cheers to that ever elusive silver lining. :)
@Talitha: It's all part of the growing process. A new learning experience.
ReplyDelete@Ghadeer: Neither. It's growth. It's shows that we can adapt. Progress. Dream. Achieve. And that can never be a hindrance in a person's personality.
@TangledTofu: You bask in such unfathomable optimism, thinking that the world can be a better place. And I love that about you.
Something worth thinking about,
ReplyDeleteIt's only when the people closest to you walk away, that you appreciate most the ones who stayed.
Letting go is hard.
ReplyDeleteAcceptance is hard.
That's why we walk away.
That's why we cut people off.
Evading a situation and changing yourself according to it is simpler than accepting it and moving on.
That's the thing. That's why people come across as emotionless. They believe they are too weak to accept things. Solid hard facts. So basically they fail to believe. In themselves.
You write brilliantly well for a Science student. It juts makes me want to read forever.
"We still hold a soft spot for the person who made us become who we are."
Utterly beautiful and entirely true.
But even when the hope starts to get scary, even when the fact that you can't accept it isn't as scary as the hope that things will get better, don't lose hope. Don't run away.
Keep writing(:
This is quite insane. Can't describe how much this means to me because every word you said out there is overwhelmingly relatable. Moving on is the hardest thing, and no matter how many times you slap yourself in the face trying to convince yourself that you have moved on, there is always that teeny bit of you that stays and trembles and hopes. That bit of us makes us vulnerable, but our mind tries to remain strong. Yes, it is growth, and the wound heals with time. Distractions.
ReplyDelete